And So It Begins…

By Bill Hannibaugh

Well my friends, Democrats took over the House and Senate this past Thursday. Nancy “The San Francisco Teat” Pelosi was awarded the Speaker’s ivory gavel, which she immediately used as a mobile stage mic for her rickety-boned, plastic-faced rendition of “Sisters Are Doing It For Themselves.” Are you happy now America? This is what your reckless impulse-voting bought.

Other than some feel-good fluffy-kittens-and-rainbows ethics rules changes, you know what else happened in the new Democrat Congress this week? Nothing. Not a damned thing. Get used to that refrain, my friends. Considering the Democrat track record over the last twelve years, Nothingness is the house specialty of those spineless milquetoasts.

Between the Republican Revolution of 1994 and the Democrat Revulsion of 2006, Congress grew increasingly corrupt and self-absorbed. The People’s Business moved farther and farther off the back burner while getting re-elected, restructuring the Constitution to ensure permanent one-party rule and cashing in on one’s position of power became Congressional Job One. Republicans brazenly impeached a President for a blowjob, used 9/11 as a cudgel on civil rights and shoved a war based on lies and personal revenge down the throats of the electorate – and that was just during the working hours, People! – and all the Democrats did was stand around and meekly applaud for fear of being branded as unpatriotic.

That’s right, citizens. Those pants-wetting ineffectual political tampon Democrats just stood around and pleasured themselves with the perks of elected office while the Republicans bent Lady Liberty over the coffee table and porked her squealing, pleading, mercy-begging-for bones for years on end – and now they hold the keys to the kingdom. Unconscionable, if you ask me.

The Democrats have done absolutely nothing to deserve the honor of the majority, yet here you have it. “Oh, Bill,” you may gurgle through that titload of Mommy’s milk still sloshing in your mewling gobs, “but the only other option would be giving power back to the rapist Republicans!” You’re damned right it is, Junior! Republicans get stuff done, and deep down you know like it that way, Bitch! You saw how Lady Liberty was dressed – she was asking for it. Her mouth might have said no, but that sultry, swishing booty cried out “Give it to me, Hammer! I need that Dick, Cheney!”

At no time, however, did any part of Lady Liberty indicate a desire for a pasty flaccid coastal blue-state bukkake chorus – and that’s what the voting public gave her in November. I hope you’re all happy with yourselves. Personally, I don’t know how you can sleep at night.