O! H!

by Knorr the Interpreter

All my make-believe friends are mad at me because I won't shut up about the total ass-whuppin' the Ohio State Buckeyes delivered unto the Ann Arbor Clown College Weasels on Staurday night. Yes, I know the final score was 42-39. I also saw how They kept bouncing back up every time we'd score on them like eleven helmeted sadomasochistic Weebles. The Buckeyes still kicked their asses.

Indeed, as far as the scoreboard is concerned, North Toledo Tech hung with the Buckeyes until the very end, but that closeness had the fakey-stagey feel of a WWE championship in which one of the contenders gets authentically hurt. In the second half, the Bucks suplexed themselves by turning the ball over in their own end three times. The refs also had a professional wrestling vibe going on - especially on third and fourth downs with all the made-up penalties against TOSU that gave That School Up North automatic first downs. Since when has chasing a receiver without touching him been considered pass interference, and just what in a lubed armadillo fuck is "Roughing the Center?" Had a certified NCAA refereeing crew called the game and Doug Datish's ball-snapping arm not been injured, the Buckeyes hang a fat 5-0 on Washentaw County Community College and the Weasels don't even smell thirty points.

Screw it. We won anyway. Every college football fan with functioning eyes now knows The Buckeyes of Ohio State are The Best Damned Team In The Land, and the "refs" got all their side-bets paid off since Mitten U "covered" the spread. Just keep the above facts in mind if there happens to be a rematch on January 8 for your wagering purposes.

O! H!