The Fluffy Chronicles – Growing Concern

By Fluffy

Day 260 – Shorthair has pretty much mastered the two-handed sackblock, so my holy mission is largely foiled. Bummer. The couch is still nice… [zzzz,purr,zzzz]

Day 278 – I thought my charge from Ballah may at long last be fulfilled last night, as I tripped into the Humans’ bedroom. Shorthair’s goodies were hanging out, vulnerable as I’d even seen them, but then Longhair sat on them. She’d expose and cover them over and over again while making funny grunt noises. They must have spent twenty minutes trying to get me to play their silly nutsack Whack-A-Mole game. I didn’t bite, but they seemed to enjoy themselves anyway.

Day 302 – Eat, crap, groom, nap, repeat – so have gone the last three weeks. I keep growing out but not so much up anymore. Shorthair says I’m getting “fat”, but what did he expect – with my balls gone, a good 30% of my stretch-and-lick pilates routine is shot.

Day 348 – Yikes! I’m not the only being on Third Street taking up more space these days! Longhair looks like she swallowed something. She’s spending a lot of time coughing into her watery rock garden in the mornings, too. Who knew she had so much fur to groom – the way she heaves every morning, she must hock up a badger!

Day 410 – Longhair and I seem to be spending a lot more time together these days. It’s nice, but it would be a lot nicer if she didn’t take up so much of the couch. Sometimes when she sleeps, I climb up on her belly and knead it, hoping against hope that I’ll burst an air pocket or something and she’ll deflate back to normal size. She must appreciate the effort, because she pats me on the head when I do it. Her huge belly does look terribly uncomfortable, but more importantly I’m running out of napping space.

Day 443 – Shorthair – do something about this bloated food receptacle you sleep with! What the hell is wrong with you - don’t you notice anything... unusual? Her size… her hairballs… the constant mood swings… and sweet Meowhammed does she eat crazy shit! This afternoon I saw her throw all sorts of things in a bowl, grab a spoon, and start eating. Out of morbid curiosity, I had to inspect. That bowl had yogurt, pepper rings, olives, celery, and bits of egg in it… AND SHE WAS EATING IT! I nearly barfed, and that’s coming from someone who licks his own asshole about six times a day. Dude… vet… pronto!