How Does MC GMC Sound?

by Frizzy Padizzy, Chief MC

Damn, this music business is one tough bitch! I thought my crew had everything you need to make it all up in here, but the label won't even take our agent's calls anymore.

Shit, man... we had it all. We followed the formula every step of the way. We got us a so-'hood band name - I mean who questions that a group called Nevalernd 2 Cpel got street cred? Sure, we're actually from Hartford Connecticut, but that's only about 100 miles or so from New York City, so calling it anything else is just semantics. We got the scratchers, we got the MC's and we got the thugs in hoodies shouting "Unh!" and "Yeah!" in the back just like all the other successful bands. We write tight rhymes mentioning lots of brand-name merchandise, drinking all night long and tappin' ass, which when paired with our thumpin' bass and studio-mixed sound effects should keep the booties shakin' 'til the bars close. Problem is, nobody plays us.

I can't say NOBODY plays us - according to the marketing director at our former label, we were pretty big with 13-year-old white boys in Indiana who want other crackers to think they're dangerous - but that ain't quite the demographic the label looks to tap into. For the life of me, I can't figure out how we fell where others thrived. A lot of wiseasses crack that "talent" might have something to do with it, but that's bullshit. One listen to our album NiggaFresh Air Supply proves that we have just as much talent as that punk-ass "Apple Bottom Jeanseanseans" bastard if not ten times more.

Maybe the market is just too crowded and the suits are picking the players to stay in the game based on who's easiest to push around. That would mean we have some integrity, which is nice I guess, but if integrity means I have to go out and get a real job, I don't want no fuckin' integrity! I want to keep playing marignally acceptible music for mass consumption which keeps me hip-deep in easy cash and easier poontang.

Hmm... let's rethink this thing. What are our strengths? We sell well to crackers who want to look "real", we're great at stretching the definition of "rhyme" to stay within simplistic rhythm patterns, and we have a lot of experience writing songs about brand-name apparel, drinking, and our affinity for the use of loose women...

Yo - damn! That's it, boys! Y'all get your asses some big gay-ass hats and nut-scrunchingly tight blue jeans... we're going country!