Jargon For The Terminally Suburban: "Meh" vs. "Feh"

by Dr. Jules "MFWord" Jergenssen, Modern Lexicographer

As a lexicographer, my nose tends to become bent out of joint when I hear words used inappropriately. I am well aware that in this American society, one is free to sound as unenlightened, uneducated, ignorant or out-and-out booger-licking retarded as they wish in the pursuit of perceived coolness, but I also like to think that when given proper contexts, people will choose to sound smarter... or at least "hip".

Recently, confusion has blossomed in the lexicon over the proper use of two different terms of indifference: "meh" and "feh". With indifference growing in prominence in modern culture, correct usage of these crucial expressions of could-give-a-shitdom has reached critical mass. Below, I wish to educate the unhip, out-of-step, and yes, even suburban white parents in the proper dropping of above-referenced bombs.

"Meh" represents the pinnacle of passive indifference. The user of "meh" indicates that he or she is truly incapable of giving half a squirt less about the topic at hand. Often inaccurately interpreted as hostile or snarky, the "Meh" man couldn't be more earnest in his unmovedness. Not only does "Meh" not have a horse in the topical race, he couldn't be arsed to look at the racing form.

"Feh", on the other hand, implies distinct expression of preference, albeit nigh insignificant in magnitude. The astounding versatility of "feh" as an expression of primal acknowledgement makes it best described as the "fuggedaboudit" for the non-New Jerseyan set, although its use in the politely to less-than-politely dismissive context is the denotative source for its comparison and contrast with "meh" herein.

For your better understanding of "meh" and "feh" usage in the wild, I will propose three different answers to the same question. Their related translations should clearly delineate between "meh", "feh" and "FEH!":

"So Jules, what do you think about the Tony Romo - Jessica Simpson thing?"

"Meh." - "I have no opinion upon the topic whatsoever."

"Feh." - "Sounds like celebrichat. I don't do celebrichat. If we could change the topic to one of shared interest, however, I would be glad to engage in conversation with you."

"FEH!" - "My distaste for such pointless drivel is so severe that its mere mention elicits the sensation of a manic-depressive ferret vacating its bowels upon my tongue while herkily dancing the Macarena. You have five seconds to change the topic before I consider dismissing your entire existence as one devoted to the vapid pursuit of feckless dipshittery. Redeem yourself hastily or suffer the coldest shoulder experienced outside of Jeffrey Dahmer's meat freezer!"

Dear readers, you may now consider yourselves enlightened on the uses in various contexts of "meh" versus "feh". Be ye wiser in their dispensation and cautious in pronunciation of their disparate h's.