Introducing IbK Foreign Correspodent…

By Roger N. Phiebbles, President, IbK News Corp.

Greetings, IbK News viewers! We here at IbK News Corp. Central are pleased to announce that IbK News has created a Foreign News bureau to increase our reach and global credibility.

Introducing IbK News’s new Foreign Correspondent Cinta Sella-Ductos. Cinta, a tongue-lollingly attractive yet professionally-demeanored woman with a foreign-sounding name, has all the focus-group-tested elements to bring that extra air of respectability and ratings-grabbage to any news story originating outside of North America. Whether the news breaks in Ukraine, Israel, Sudan or Argentina, Cinta Sella-Ductos will be there on the scene – in front of the camera; calm, collected and professional with her hair and make-up perfect irrespective of the chaos going on behind her; dressed professionally with maybe one extra button on her ever-so-slightly-too-tight blouse undone or an extra half-inch of length added to her heels and/or removed from her skirt; slyly seducing the horny male demographic while delivering informative and concise reports that the horny males’ wives will appreciate with her measured, level, slightly throaty Kathleen-Turner-in-Body-Heatesque-with-a-hint-of-sexy-as-all-hell-foreign-accented delivery.

Please join IbK News Corp. in welcoming Cinta Sella-Ductos to our international news team. Well, at this point she IS our international news team, but we’re counting on her professional hotness to bring in enough extra ad revenue to give her a little help down the road. For the first few months though, she’ll be in The Hague at 6pm, Thailand at 11pm, and Russia for the next day's noon broadcast, so let’s pretend she’s really in all those places and she borrowed Wonder Woman’s invisible jet to make it all happen or something – not just standing in front of a bluescreen superimposed with news footage in my Los Angeles studio as she's dressed impeccably, professionally yet still teasingly hot and spotless when she's "at" the Tomatina tomato fight in Buñol, Valencia, Spain for the following 3PM's news magazine program.

IbK News Corp.: News You Should Ignore – But Can’t! (insert loud ZZZHHYOOOUMM! and bright metallic flash here)