Out-Fabulous THIS, Eagle Point!

By Chaz Pimento, Show Choir Director for Riverdell High School

Oooh! I’m so mad I could spit! This is the fifth year in a row Eagle Point beat us at the State Show Choir competition and their director won’t let me hear the end of it! Those judges are blind and tone-deaf barbarians if they think Eagle Point sounded or danced as well as we did – the ONLY thing Eagle Point had going for them was their outfits.

I must hand it to them, the get-ups those Eagle Point boys wore were FAAAB-u-LUUUS! Alternating broad vertical lavender and pink stripes on the shirts separated by silver sequins – and the pants were to die for! Oh – shimmering silver with pink and lavender pinstripes cut SOOO tight around their little teenaged tushies yet with enough slack to allow them to show off the dance steps – breathtaking! I could have just eaten them up [ahem, cough, fan self] to turn a phrase. With outfits that gorgeous, I can almost understand the judges giving them the title even though they danced like a troupe of three-footed elephants trying desperately not to pee themselves.

Well, that’s it – this is WAR! I can out-fab those outfits, and I will. 2007-08 Riverdell Show Choir boys outfits: Shirts – Mocha and orchid floral pattern with bright red buttons shaped like pursed lips. Trousers – Butt-hugging bellbottoms with emphasis on [ahem] front fit, if you feel my vibe. Continuing the mocha and orchid theme in pinstripes down the legs, and the bright red lips will be in the zipper region – with a small amount of tongue playfully languishing in the lips’ right corner. On the seat of the trousers will be a target pattern alternating in pinks and browns increasing in intensity, finishing with a hot pink bull’s-eye right where the money is made. YESSS! I’ll get to work on the boys’ outfits myself right now! I’m sure the school’s sanctioned tailor can crank out something complementary for the girls – as if girls’ outfits even matter…

Ha! Out-fabulous THIS, Eagle Point! You can say we got served in 2007, but in 2008 Riverdell Show Choir will bring you pathetic breeders the whole Broadway buffet! Come hungry, bitches!