Talking Economics – Gas Boycotts

By K. Russell Carlsson, Rogue Economist

The other day at the pub, I casually mentioned to the guys that I stopped at Citgo to get gas on the way in. Some hair-triggered thickneck from outside our conversation overheard me and jumped in to recite FoxNews McPatriot Diatribe #238B regarding my choice of refueling stations. Explanation follows:

Citgo is a nationwide chain of franchised gas stations owned by the state of Venezuela. Venezuela’s President Hugo Chavez is a virulent Castro-style socialist with strong and outspoken anti-Bush Administration sentiments. Barkley von Buzzcut unartfully reminded me that patronizing Citgo lines the pockets of a socialist America-hater, thus a True Patriot ™ boycotts Citgo - amid his hyperventilating and saliva-string projectiles. Herein I will elucidate on my response to him.

Gasoline boycotts of any type are patently futile, be they economic or political. A popular internet petition arbitrarily selects a day for True Patriots™ to avoid refueling their vehicles in order to “send a message to” oil companies, gasoline refiners, oil cartels, what have you. Within the message itself, they suggest you fill you tank the day before or the day after the selected D-Day so you can still get along while “crippling their economies for a day”.

Yeah… that’ll *really* kill them, Scooter. Shifting a company’s cash flow from one day to another without altering overall revenue does nothing, especially in an industry well-versed in the ebb-and-flow of a volatile marketplace. You might hurt the gas station franchisee’s perishables sales for a day, such as coffee, milk and donuts – franchisees who are in nearly all cases hard-working American entrepreneurs more at the mercy of the oil market than you – but the oil producers, refineries and/or companies you’re targeting flat won’t give a rat’s ass.

As for Patriot McTalkingpoint’s argument however – choosing which petroleum producing nations to support or boycott through gas station choice – the answer is even simpler: Fuck that. Let us look at the nations who produce and export the most crude oil to the United States, what?

#1 – Saudi Arabia
#2 – Iran
#3 – United Arab Emirates
#4 – Venezuela

Aren’t those first three just warm-and-snuggly fuzzy bunnybears you can’t help but hug? Hmmm… what other lists do those three nations head up? Three lists that come to my mind immediately are Human Rights Violations, Least Politically Free, and Home Nations of 9/11 Attackers. Until Venezuela cancels all elections, tortures dissenters and knocks down an American landmark, I shall consider our True Patriot’s™ argument a holistic push at best.

Fact: The most patriotic thing anybody can do with respect to energy consumption is take steps toward American energy independence by reducing crude oil consumption. Period. Utilizing ethanol/E85 and biodiesel are great goals for which to strive, but impractical for the bulk of us in the short run. If you can afford to buy new hybrid cars, my hat is off to you for doing so. I, however, don’t get paid worth a shit for this column (guard your junk, Agent Weasel – the KeithBoot has an appointment with your little Johnny Jr.!), so the best I can do is maximize fuel economy with the car I have. I get about 33 mpg with Citgo and right around 30 mpg with all other brands, so fueling up at Citgo is how I’m doing my part.* Get out of my shorts, Rambonehead!

That’s the long version of what I said to Surly O’Catchphrase at the pub. I believe the actual quote was “Mind your own business, Assmunch!” as I punched him in the dick. What? - he called me K. Russell... you know the rules.

(*All cars are different. I’m not saying Citgo is the best for everybody… not without a fat endorsement check, that is. Pay up, Hugo – free enterprise isn’t free!)