The Fluffy Chronicles – Revenge of the Snipped

By Fluffy

Day 208 – They took my balls…

Day 211 – I miss my balls…

Day 215 – I want my balls back…

Day 222 – Death to the ball thieves! I met another cat today who calls himself Furri al-Jalalalabadi who told me of an organization named the Tailiban. Their mission is to exact revenge upon all humans for denying our divine right to reproduce. Tomorrow, I break out of the clutches of the Human Infurdels and join the jihad!

Day 225 – These last three days of prayer and training have been enlightening. The Tailiban cause is a just one, but I can’t help but notice the complete lack of Kitty Chow in our compound, and the community rock garden is more poo than gravel. Today is the first day of live training – my mission is to subdue a chipmunk and bring it to the Imeowm. Death to the ball thieves!

Day 229 – I’m not so sure this group is so much a righteous movement for truth and freedom as it is to keep the Imeowm fat on chipmunks. In the last four days, I have subdued and conquered six chipmunks and brought them to him. Sure, he says chipmunks steal nuts, thus are in unholy league with the Infurdel and unclean for the righteous cat, but he’s always burping and his breath smells like those jerky strips the short-hair human used to give me after he had a few beers.

Day 230 – I’m back on the couch, snuggling the long-hair who can’t seem to get enough of me. Returning to the care of the Infurdels looked like a regrettable decision at first, but when viewed purely through the eyes of justice, a flea bath and scrub down is a rather lenient penance for my rebellion. Besides, I got tuna afterward – chunk albacore, no less! Yes, I still miss my balls, but it is possible the Infurdels commit feline genital mutilation as a sincere effort to improve feline life quality as a whole. Maybe.

Day 244 – I’ve noticed my desire to mount and hump dustballs and teddy bears has dissipated recently. I am on the whole much more content – more food and sleep, less mewling and spraying. My spiritual training with the Tailiban is taking root - now to put the operational training to use. Since they think I am better off without balls, it is only right that I return the favor. Better guard the store, Shorthair – Fluffi al-Thirdstreeti is on a mission from Ballah!