The Fluffy Chronicles – Kitten Days

By Fluffy

Day 1: More of those not-cat-looking creatures came by today – like the ones that give Mommy food and water, but different. They seemed to point at me and smile a lot, and when I cocked my head to try to hear them, the long-haired one cooed even more. The short-haired one smiled a bit, but seemed more interested in the long-haired creature than me.

Day 18: The non-cats came back carrying a funny little box with holes and a handle. Foodbearing Non-cat picked me up and put me in the box, which the other two non-cats carried back into their own box. Their box moves. During the entire trip in the moving box, the long-haired non-cat cooed and spoke in an unintelligible tongue while holding my box. She tried to pet me a little bit, but every time I rubbed against her finger she squealed and gibbered something to the effect of “Ooooooiznee zoGyooot!” I figured she was in pain, but she kept sticking her finger in there. Not too smart, these non-cats...

Day 19: Apparently, these new non-cats are my own private foodbearers. Not too bad. I have a huge couch to curl up on, a private food dish, a private water bowl, and a private rock garden to drop my dookies in – much better than the old farm where I had to share mom-titties with six squealing siblings. The only squealing that goes on now is from the long-haired non-cat… but she feeds me, so I’ll take that trade-off.

Day 88: These non-cats are pretty all right! They feed me, they pet me and they keep my rock garden pretty clean. When the long-hair has her friends over, they can’t keep their hands off me. When the short-hair has his friends over they give me treats like beef jerky and beer. Non-cats rule!

Day 206: The non-cats came with that funny box again. Well, it worked out for me pretty well last time, so I was all about it. Their moving box stopped at some strange building full of many animals – all in one room. There were other cats who told me the two-legged non-cats are called “humans” and not to be trusted. (Yeah, right – mine are awesome!) The four-legged non-cats are called “dogs”, and they eat poop, hump human legs, and are to be hated by all cats everywhere. Sure, whatever, you paranoid furballs.

Day 207: Hey! What the… WHERE ARE MY BALLS? Those other cats were right! Fucking humans – I trust them as far as I can throw them. From now on, Fluffy rules the house – what Fluffy says goes. Go ahead - smirk away, Short-hair. You still have your balls... for now!