Defend The Homefront

By Gen. George S. Patton (very retired)

Be seated.

I have returned from the Great Beyond to address the people of my beloved United States of America on the topic of the War On Terror. This is a war on two fronts – the physical battlefield, which I will not address out of respect for the Commander-in-Chief, and the battlefield of ideas. Since I am currently both an experienced battlefield general and an idea, I am a certified expert in the second war. I *will* address the battlefield of ideas, Maggots, and you *will* listen.

Attention! No bastard ever won an idea war by compromising his own ideology. He won it by making the *other* poor dumb bastard compromise *his* ideology! The American ideology, in case you thumb-sucking panty-wastes have forgotten, is to grab life by the nose and kick it in the ass! Americans eat fast food and drive fast cars. Americans smoke, drink, shoot craps, bungee jump and hang out in titty bars. Americans do NOT hide behind Mommy’s skirt and stay inside to hide from all the nasty germs and insects out there – we play mud football at the old landfill, then come home and shower before going to the bar to drink beer and watch some *other* crazy bastards play football in a rainstorm!

Terrorists, you bed-wetting nancy-boys, are insects. They live in caves and run scared from daylight – that’s a damned insect. The germ these particular grumbling goat-banging insects carry is fear. Apparently the pencil-necked desk-jockeys in Washington have been wading waist-deep in Terrorist shit, because they’re sick with fear. Further, those weasel-dicked politicians are trying to pass that fear onto you by asking you to give up the very goddamned rights our brave men an women have been fighting to protect for over 200 years. They’re rationale? “Trust us.”

To Hell with that! Politicians tell you that you can trust them with your freedom. Right, so they can “take care” of your freedom the way they “took care” of the Murrah Federal Building and the World Trade Center? Horseshit! Those bureaucratic bumblefucks couldn’t defend their own right to break wind at a chili cookoff.

Maggots - when you see an insect, do you run to the phone and call an exterminator? Hell no – you step on that son-of-a-bitch! You don’t worry about germs – just scrape off your shoe, wash your hands, and get back to whatever unsafe fun shit you were doing before. That’s because you’re a real American – a loud-mouthed, brash, crazy, fun-loving red-blooded American - you wouldn’t want it any other way. If those ninnies in Washington try to tell you otherwise, well, they can rot in Hell... starting this November.

That is all.