Ask Uncle Scooter: “Do You Think She’s Pretty?”

By Old Scooter Lowry, Everybody’s Uncle

Uncle Scooter,

Last night at the restaurant, I noticed my boyfriend looking at another girl as she walked by. I asked him if he thought she was pretty and he said Yes. Should I worry that he might be cheating on me?...

Based simply on that exchange, no. Believe it or not, guys tend to answer their ladies’ questions as asked to them as honestly as possible – especially if they’re distracted by something shiny. Think of men like dogs – playful, energetic, mostly loyal but won’t turn down a free head pat from a stranger, and trainable but still thick enough to eat cat shit out of the litter box if not supervised. Moreover, we’re dogs who can’t lick ourselves - that adds frustration, further complicating our inherent flightiness.

The problem here is the words that came out of your mouth had very little to do with your real question. When you asked “Do you think she’s pretty?” what you apparently meant was “Are you willing to throw away our relationship any time that girl or any other who looks like her shakes her tight little ass at you and winks?” He heard and answered your simpler expressed question, either as asked or as the 2am beer-drenched guys-on-the-couch hypothetical “If you weren't seeing anyone, she were interested in you, her boyfriend wasn’t steroid-huge, insanely jealous and ten feet away, and life were like a porn film with no negative consequences such as pregnancy or VD, would you bend that chippie over the salad bar right now and work her like a curvy thong-wearing butter churn in heels?”

… and whenever I look at a cute guy, he never asks me anything like that. Doesn’t he care about our relationship?
Love, Sheri

Sheri, your boyfriend doesn’t ask that question because he’s very obviously a mentally stable man under 30 who likes girls. At that age, we don’t really care what your eyes shop for as long as that booty buys at home. After 30, however, that question may be asked legitimately by a straight guy, but only in a derisive fashion while fishing for pointers.

For example, if your 23-year-old boyfriend asks “Do you think he’s sexy?” what he probably means is “I’d jump that slab of man right here and now if coming out of the closet wouldn’t make my uptight Baptist parents disown me and/or get my ass kicked at the gym – what about you, Girlfriend?” If your 34 year-old boyfriend were to ask “Oh, you like that guy? What’s so hot about him?” however, what he’s asking is “Seriously – what is hot about him? I need grooming tips – the ol’ babe magnet doesn’t have the pull it used to.”

What it all comes down to, Sheri, your boyfriend, like most men, is much like a dog. When he’s young, he’ll chase every squirrel that darts in his path whether he wants to catch it or not. If he can survive a few years of doing so without getting hit by a plumbing truck, however, you’ll have a big, dumb, smelly, loyal comfortable companion – but you’ll still have to stop him from eating dookie every once in a while.