Anatomy of a Product Launch - Gangsta Rap

by SocratoBot 3000, Xylar VII Debullshitification Droid

I am rich and commune carnally with multiple women.
You should be impressed.
In awe of my glory, you should buy my products
(Thus making me richer still)
Or eagerly join with me in the biblical sense
(If you are a shapely female).
Should you fail to yield to my greatness
Or deny these facts altogether
I will pump bullets into your skull
With no blemish upon my conscience
While referring to you with epithets of derision.

I used to sell drugs on the street for a living.
That type of life was treacherous, yet I thrived.
On occasion, gunplay would intrude upon
My normal course of business.
My personage received its fair share of lead projectiles -
One must endure such painful inconveniences
To succeed in such a profitable underground trade.
Motherfucker.

The quality of my material
And reliability of its delivery
Merited great acclaim.
As I rose through the ranks of the urban drug cartels
I became noticed by powerful and important people.
These moguls invited me to their ornate festive gatherings
Replete with narcotics and attractive promiscuous women.
Among the elite, I furthered my reputation therein
Until one suggested I present my life's story
In a rhythmic poetic form
Riddled with vulgarites
To make listener's heads and backsides
Wriggle rhythmically back and forth.

Behold! My success in this artistic venture
Netted me more fame and profit
And unforeseen quantities of raunchy sex with strange ladies
Than my previous illicit pharmaceutical venture.
Therefore, I resigned from the drug trade in order to
Devote my energies to this more profitable pursuit.
Bitch.

I am rich and commune carnally with multiple women.
You should be impressed.
In awe of my glory, you should buy my products
(Thus making me richer still)
Or eagerly join with me in the biblical sense
(If you are a shapely female).
Should you fail to yield to my greatness
Or deny these facts altogether
I will pump bullets into your skull
With no blemish upon my conscience
While referring to you with epithets of derision.
(repeat ad infinitum)