Afterthought: Fat Chance

by Brian Peebles

Some guys really ought to check the mirror and/or what's lying beside them before they open their cheddar holes about who is hot-or-not these days...

I overheard Alpha Marketeer Skippy and his bootlicking brood during their latest testosterone-tweaking titty talk - this time about celebrity women who have "let themselves go." One of the less remarkable hangers-on whom I'll call Flounder quipped something to the effect "Dude... those shots of Jennifer Love-Hewitt in her bikini make Britney look anorexic!" which elicited snarky laughter from the whole pack.

Flounder : I've seen the photos in question, and indeed Ms. Hewitt is markedly softer in the middle (and the back) than she used to be. That happens. She's not 23 anymore. Also, those were vacation photos, not publicity shots from a Hollywood studio set - she's bound to be less appealing under such circumstances. Ms. Hewitt, however, is still an attractive woman - bikinis are terrifically unforgiving outfits and would fail to flatter 95% of female body shapes - and were JLH to walk up to you in a normal bar setting and ask you for a drink, odds are that nothing would rise faster than your credit card to the bartender except the pup tent in your BVDs.

Besides, Flounder, I've seen you in "action". The ladies you try to go home with after your pole-dancer infused drinkfests also make Britney look anorexic. They even make Ms. Hewitt look anorexic. As a matter of fact, they make Rosie O'Donnell look like a nude Angelina Jolie fresh off a month at TrimSpa. Since I've known you, the only thing you've nailed under 200 pounds without paying for it is currently holding your coffee cup.

Don't be playa hatin' if you ain't a playa, F-Dawg - and playing with yourself does not rate.