You City Folk Think You’re So Smart…

By Clem “Skeeter” Shepard Jr. Jr.
President, Redneck Un-Shit-Talking Society (RUSTS)


Us rural folks have just about had it with you city-living types calling us all types of names just because we ain’t like you. We tried being neighborly about it and going about changing your attitudes the right way – organizing, moving into your suburbs, creating big-ol’ discount store chains, voting our own into power in every single political office, winning all them American Idols – but y’all still use terms like “Rednecks” and “Trailer Trash” to try to deniggerate… dennergate… dinnergrate… talk shit about us. Yep, we tried changing your minds our way; so now we’ve gotta do it in the only way a liberal city-boy can understand – we’re gonna sue your ass, Bubba!

Today I, Clem “Skeeter” Shepard Jr. Jr., am establishing the Redneck Un-Shit-Talking Society – a lobby group with the goal of making any dafammertary… defaggotory… derfamistory… aww, dangit!… shit-talking comments about us Real Americans a federal offense – just like any other racial or religious effithet. So any of you bottled-water drinking, tofu-eating, forn-car-driving, un-Christian Democrat-types even think about calling one of us a “Redneck”, you better grease up your corn-pipe Chester- your prejudiced ass is going to Gitmo! Yeah, buddy!

First on the list: them smarty-pants know-it-alls at the spell checker place. Screw your little squiggly lines, Junior - I KNOW I spelled effithet right!